How Not to Let your Kids Play Mom and Dad Against Each Other

Have you ever been in a situation where your child play you and your partner against each other? They ask for your permission on one thing and once you say “No”, they run to dad and ask again and before you know it, dad says “Yes”. A root cause is that kids need to be loved and disciplined by both mom and dad, not by one over the other. This is necessary to avoid a “tug-of-war” between parents.

Children are smart - they know when their parents are upset about something. If the child senses mom is becoming upset by dad, the child will immediately take sides and use it later as a way of getting what they want. What ever happens, do not involve the children in your fights between you and your partner. Mom and Dad need to show love to their children - do not show any signs of favoritism.

Raising kids to realize rules are set by both mom and dad is the key.  Sadly, sometimes, without realizing it, parents use kids as emotional support, or to further their own needs as a means to garner more attention.

Children need to be reminded that they are loved; and discipline goes a long way to ensure that love.  They should never be used as pawns in adult games.  Parents must be unified when making decisions that affect the child.  If your kids want to do something in particular, and you are against it; but your spouse is for it – this can be the beginning of the tug-of-war syndrome.  Conversely, if you both sit down with your kids and have a family meeting about this matter; your kids will understand they will not be able to play one parent against the other to get what they want.

Often times, kids will try to manipulate you into getting what they want.  Never let that happen. The power should be in the parents hands, not the childrens.  They must follow the rules you set forth, without compromising the harmony within the family. Raising kids is hard enough without having to worry about sides.  There are no sides in a family.  As parents, you must present a loving and cohesive environment for your children. Without this foundation, the house cannot stand.

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